Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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