Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
