I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
