Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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