When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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