I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize