I want to have your abortion
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
