Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
