I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
