just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
