dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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