i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
