allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
