so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
