Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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