see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
