they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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