thus making me awesome and them whores
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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