exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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