just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
