Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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