Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
