What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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