I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
