When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
