i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
