She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
