I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
