so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
