I think I am morally bankrupt
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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