every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
