Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
