So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
