My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
