yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
