More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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