There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize