pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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