Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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