lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
