Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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