i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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