Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
