last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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