i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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