Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
