Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize