I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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