Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
