i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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