tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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