I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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