creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
