I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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