i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
