At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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