So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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