You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My vagina is very pro this idea
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