my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
