honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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