You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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