dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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