Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
