I can tuck mytits in my pants
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
