Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
