I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
