I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
there is glitter all over my balls
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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