So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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