Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
