Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
