i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Im part way to drunk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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