new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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