Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
