Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
