i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
