Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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