Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Are we still banned from the library?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
